| when crying dont help&you cant compose yourself, its best to compose a poem |
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no, in fact i'm sure of it.
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[06 Jun 2005|03:20pm] |
i really can't wait until
-summer
-liscence
-fo's parties
-hanging out with all of my friends again. i never see them anymore. i miss everyone from last summer.
( JOEY, emfo, mattu, rhi, michele, duck, adam, pia, ryan fournier, dani k, mikey p. etc) +some new people this summer.
-camp
-beach!
-six flags
-alycia comes back from florida
-london&paris
-PETER MAI COMES UP TO VISIT
-second junior skip day
-i get out of work tonight
-i get a better job
-being an official senior
-graduating
-moving to france
-i become a writer.
so the eighth graders came to school today. i saw my baby sister. and jill doherty. and josh clough. and jamie leech. and alex bouchard. and james wojcik saw me and started like flipping out. "ASHLEY!!! HEY ASHLEY!!! ASHLEY!!!"
i think he pretends to not like me, but secretly adores me.
i miss alex.
?
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[05 Jun 2005|08:18pm] |
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name one(or more) time(s) you and i did something (fun) together
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[04 Jun 2005|10:58pm] |
ryan never bought me one.
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[04 Jun 2005|06:10pm] |
i worked today. with sam. and some bitchy customer came in and started yelling at her. and made her cry. fucking ungrateful customers. LAME
then i went to ryans and we went out on the boat. And we jumped into the water, except he had a bathing suit on and I was in all of my clothes. it was so much fun. and its fun to kiss someone upside down. we are in love.
i'm going to millbury with brittany gopsill and chris heersink soon. i wanted michele to come but she's not.
i really need to shower
i'm wearing my favorite jeans even though they have holes all over them.
ummm. i really need something new in my life.
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[04 Jun 2005|09:38am] |
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i fucking hate you so much sometimes. shut up.
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[02 Jun 2005|09:10pm] |
i hate my life. i want to be someone else for just one day. thats it.
this weekend is going to suck. i have to work saturday&sunday. but im working mornings into the afternoon. so i wont be able to see ryan. he's working those days too, but in the afternoon into the night. isn't that great.
i miss my girl so much. she's never around anymore. and we can never hang out, because whenever i already have plans, she wants to do something. and when she already has plans, i want to do something. and my life is ruined. because saturday we were supposed to be together ALL day and watch all three harry potters. and totoro. But i have to work. and then supposedly i'm hanging out with matt haddad and nick mcgriff and emfo. but matt has a way of weaseling people out of plans. so when i talked to him tonight, he just said "you and me". i think not.
i had a dream last night with Alex Peterson in it. And it was amazing. And people from the foreign language trip were in it. Then I had a dream that Ryan kept talking about some girl named Megan. And it was really annoying. and i woke up and i was so mad because i thought it was real. and it was 8:20 and I called him. and he answered really tired, and i was like "I just had the stupidest dream." and he said "I did too".
and then i told him what my dream was, and he told me he had a dream that i broke up with him. yeah. lame dreams.
I really can't wait for Pete to come. You don't understand. He is me. We both understand each other so well. we both have the same feelings and views towards things. we both are really emotional and touchy and read into things too much. and think about them too much. except the only difference is, pete tries to be optimistic about things and tries to see the good in people and situations. We both have the same sense of humor too. He went to a prom once in a tux with a giraffe head. he is amazing.
whatev though. all alex lucier talks about is making out.
i miss camp. i remember the first year was so fun. we met so many people. Remember Peter Best and LLama? And "THAT AINT NO WAY TO TREAT A LADY!" and "DONT MAKE FUN OF MY ACCCCENNT!"
good times. the second year was a bust. a creepy prepubescent boy named Brent followed me around everywhere and always got me and michele in trouble. cause he'd always touch me and be near the girls cabins.
this past year was also amazing. Mike Rendon was so much fun. Then there was Jarrett. And Audrey. And the creepy gramma girl in our cabin. and our counselors were the best. Stalking aron and jesse. PETER HARRIS. i forgot about him. (PETA!!!) mmm. jumping in puddles and playing in the rain. hitting emfo on the head with a phone. "I LOOKED UP IN THE SKY, and i just saw this STARRR...."-gramma.
not that that made any sense.
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[02 Jun 2005|01:42pm] |
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( YESTERDAYS ADVENTURES!!!! )
also, Tony from the hotel in France emailed me.
hey ashley!!!!it's tony from france!!!do you remenber????
i saw you in a hotel!!!!
how are you???me fine but i have the last exam tomorow and if i managed i will be in university next year!!!!sorry if my english is too bad but i do what i can!!!!less you is so bad in hotel!a beautifull girl like you have a boyfriend???because when we do photo together i would like kiss you on.......!!!when you come back to france????i want to see you!!!!
big kiss xxxxx from france
tony
hahaha
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[31 May 2005|05:45pm] |
pete wrote me a letter last summer, which was complete with his c.d. and a drawing he drew. and i've been telling him ever since that i'm going to write him back. please remind me to write him back. i love him very much. he is the only person that i can really talk to and understand. and he understands me. i love when he tells me i am a blessing from God.
i made a purse on sunday. i was bored. and had nothing to do. so i sat down for an hour and a half with scissors, a needle, and thread. and just ripped one of my old band shirts apart. and sewed it all back together. and i'm probably never going to use it.
yesterday i went to ryans at 4. and i really wanted to play outside in the rain. but we just watched it from the window and got really excited when there was thunder and lightning. then when the rain stopped, he took me out on the boat. it was cold, but it was so fun.
i miss so many people and things. it's really unhealthy. i hate living in the past more than anything. emfo and i were talking about it a few days ago. i can't wait until this summer. i want iced coffee. i want to go shopping. i want to have my liscence.
mike henning has an abnormally big crush on me. its so funny. he walked by my classroom today when i was throwing something away, and he walks backwards and says, "DAYUM, sorry, that was a double take".
MATTU also said that some girl might be a cuter asian than me. how could that be?! not saying there aren't cuter asians out there. but in school? i am THE asian. besides khiem le. but he's a boy anyways.
this entry was a waste of everything. i miss my girl. i just did ryans bibliography for him. i miss peter mai.
alskjf;lakjsdf;lkj i want a milkshake
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[30 May 2005|12:19pm] |
i really hate my face.
also im sick of my life. its so boring. i need something/someone new in it. I NEED SOME EXCITEMENT.
SALKDJFSDLKJF:LSKDJFLKSDFKFKDKF*#U%)#*U%K:LESJ:LKSJDF:LKSD:FLKJSD:LKJAW:LRIU)#*%&U OIDJF:LK
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[29 May 2005|10:55pm] |
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camp is far away. and now i dont know if im going week 7.
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[29 May 2005|08:22pm] |
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hello, i've waited here for you
everlong
tonight i throw myself in two
and out of the red, out of her head she sang
come down, and waste away with me
d o w n. w i t h. m e.
slow how you wanted it to be.
you're over my head, out of her head she sang
and i wonder when i sing along with you
IF EVERYTHING COULD EVER FEEL THIS REAL FOREVER/////IF ANYTHING COULD EVER BE THIS GOOD AGAIN
the only thing i'll ever ask of you, you gotta promise not to stop when i say when
she sang.
b r e a t h e out, so i can b r e a t h e you in
HOLD YOU IN
and now, i know you've always been
out of your head, out of my head i sang
and i wonder when i sing along with you................
if everything oculd ever feel this real forever
if anything could ever be this good again
the only thing i'll ever ask of you
you gotta promise not to stop when i say when
and i wonder
if everything could ever feel this real forever. if anything could ever be this good again.
the only thing i'd ever ask of you
you gotta promise not to stop when i say when
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[29 May 2005|08:05pm] |
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im so not photogenic
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[27 May 2005|09:45pm] |
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I took a personality test. and the results:
craves attention, messy, open, rash, irritable, likes large parties, low self control, weird, fragile, does not like to be alone, emotionally sensitive, worrying, depressed, heart over mind, does not respect authority, dependent, not rule conscious, not good at saving money, more interested in relationships than intellectual pursuits, likes to fit in, very social, frequently second guesses self, phobic, suspicious, not careful, outgoing, vain, compassionate, aggressive, likes to make fun, hates to lose
i think that's the most true thing i've ever read about myself.
it disgusts me.
bold words i think are very true.
italiscized i think are fairly true.
tonight is so boring.
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[27 May 2005|08:43pm] |
Matthew Thomas LaVergne. You are my best friend. And i fucking miss you like hizell. I love you x01394803w985398530450958304958309 (please note the "w" in there)
love always,
your favorite girl/favorite asian/best friend ever
ashley mahoney.
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[26 May 2005|10:33pm] |
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remind me not to get reincarnated. cause living sucks.
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[25 May 2005|07:36pm] |
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my life is depressing
i miss summers when i'd wake up at 8 and stay in my pajama gown until 12
and i'd eat bowl after bowl after bowl of Trix cereal
and then i'd go outside and play with jackie and swing on the swings, and fish, and play wiffle ball
and then i'd go to the beach and i collected sea shells.
this summer i'm probably going to wake up at 12 and stay in my pajamas till 8
either starve myself or pig out ridiculously
and if i go outside it will probably only be for short amounts of time
until senior year suddenly comes out of nowhere and ruins everything
remind me to not be sad and to do something worth doing
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[25 May 2005|06:41am] |
"we'll get through this"
"i hope so"
"no, i KNOW so"
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[24 May 2005|07:36am] |
i will always think about you when i listen to conor oberst. and straylight run. or if i ever hear that kate bush song again.
i will always think about you when i'm wearing batty4u.
i will always think about you whenever i build a fort.
i will always think about you when i play super mario brothers.
and when i kiss another boy.
and when i need someone to hold me.
i'll always think about you when i go to boston.
i'll always think about you when i build a snowman or make a snow angel. or watch charlie brown or the nightmare before christmas. or rudolph.
or read the book "guess how much i love you"
i'll always remember when you made me sing you to sleep and when you wrote me poems and how excited you'd be when i wrote you a love letter. and how our song is "yellow" and how that song by keane always makes us miss each other. I'll always remember how we sneak out to see each other. and how you walked from your house to my house in the freezing cold and the snow to see me. i'll always remember the noise you make when you want a kiss. and how we'd spend hours on the phone every night laughing. how i really felt that we needed each other. how we took each other for granted. how we used to love each other so much.
i'll always remember how you used to make me cry and how i used to piss you off. i'll always remember how you fucked up when i went to europe. and how i feel bad for that girl because you told her you still have feelings for her, but have no intention to ever date her again.
i'll never forget how tired i felt after all this was said and done. and how lonely i feel right now. and how we still love each other but our relationship is going nowhere. and how we're still holding onto something that's not there.
i'll always miss you. that's what i meant to say. not 'i'll never get over you'.
i'll just always miss you.
always
There's a cat in the window of the house of my lover
Well, he sleeps there alone now, or perhaps with another
Oh, I try not to think about that
I try not to think at all
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[23 May 2005|07:21pm] |
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remind me to never be a girl again
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